The Return

So it’s been a little while since I last posted here and that’s awful. There’s nothing worse in the blogging world than irregular posting. I’ll try and post more often from now on, promise.

So last time I wrote, I said I had “a plan” to find out whether the girl I really liked, Lucy, fancied me or not. As was pretty much inevitable, I chickened out but I did find out the truth eventually. One night, Lucy’s friend was dictating text messages to Lucy who then forwarded them onto another friend (complicated I know). Due to technology messing up, the texts then sent out to all of her contacts. So I received a text saying something like “I don’t what to do. I quite like this guy but he’s not exactly fit or my type”. This was very confusing. I thought it was Lucy herself writing it and then wondered if it was about me and then whether that was good or bad for my chances of a relationship with her. She then informed everyone that it was a mistake but she sent a text that I think was actually meant for me. But I wasn’t sure so asked her if it was meant for me. She then thought that I meant the original message and explained that she’s never kissed a guy and doesn’t have any feelings towards me. I doubt you followed that but I was as confused as you were. All in all I found out that the girl I adored wasn’t interested.

I took this pretty hard and hit a new life low, drinking wine by myself in my room. Still, despite the devastation it was necessary to get over it. I mentioned last time I sort of liked another girl called Catherine but the chances of anything happened seemed to low I never really let my feelings for her grow. For the first time in years, there was no girl I was in love with or even really had a proper crush on. I felt pretty empty.

Then just before Christmas something happened. I went out to celebrate a friend’s birthday with a group of people I didn’t really know. I met a girl and it turned out she quite liked me. Once the evening had got going and a fair bit of alcohol had been consumed by all parties, I found myself dancing with her. Let’s call her Alice for the purposes of here. The dancing got more and more provocative and she made the universal sign for drink and we headed to the bar. Then we kissed. Twice. It was my first kiss in well over a year and I was pretty happy. However, I’d needed the toilet for a fair while and had been holding to let things develop but I really had to go. So I told her where I was going, went and then returned to find her. She pretty much ignored me from my return and after a few minutes of fruitless attempts at dancing with her again I drunkenly staggered home, not very happy.

I’m not really sure why she stopped being into me. One theory is that she thought I was going to the toilet to buy some condoms in a machine and that scared her off. I wouldn’t have been that forward. That’s not to say I wouldn’t have slept with her eventually. I really don’t know whether I would have or not but things never got to the point where I had to make that decision. It was probably for the best and only happened because we were both drunk. I haven’t seen Alice since, which I think might well be a good thing. But looking back at it, it wasn’t a completely awful experience. At least it told me that some girls are attracted to me, even if it takes a lot of alcohol!

I had a fairly dull Christmas holidays and since returning to uni have had a bout of depression due to spending most of my time alone, not by choice. I’ve kind of got over that now but I’m still pretty low. There is one flicker of hope in my romantic world though. A girl called Sally appears to be interested in me. Or I might well be taking two and two and getting six. She’s been really friendly and although she’s like that normally I think she’s been a bit more than usual with me. And I quite like her too and would go out with her if the opportunity ever arose.

The lack of a definite sign of affection worries me though. I hate this part. I had settled into a secure feeling or not being attracted to anyone and thinking I would be single for a long time. But now I don’t know whether my brain is just wishfully thinking or there is something there. How will I ever find out? Will I actually end up going out with her? Would it work out? Could she be “the one” or just a short fling? So many questions and no answers. And now the idea is in my head, it won’t go away. It would be much easier if I could forget it all, but I can’t.

Now I will have to wait and see what happens. Is this the moment when everything changes, or just another screwed up situation. We shall see. I’ll post again once there’s some sort of development but I expect that might be at some point in the next week. Feel free to add your support in the form of a comment, I need it!



3 Responses

  1. Sorry things didn’t work out well with the first two girls. I wish you luck with Sally. The first girl might have thought you weren’t interested because you departed for a bit after the kiss.

    One thing all women have in common is-make sure you don’t come across as to needy in wanting to find someone. This is hard to do for everyone but you must resist those impulses and keep yourself in check.

    I truly wish you luck. Your perfect someone is out there waiting for you!!

  2. cool blog really awesome 🙂

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